It’s beginning to be the time of goodbyes, you know where
you have goodbye parties and everyone gets overly sentimental and even Amanda,
the least-huggy person in the world, will willingly give you a hug because she
knows she might not see you again for a really long time. That’s just the way
it is…
The funny thing is, I don’t really feel sad. I feel excited
to leave Rennes, even though I know people are going to tell me I shouldn’t be
saying that. So let me justify it.
I’m at a point in my life when I know what stagnancy feels
like. I know when I’ve reached a point in a given situation where I can’t learn
very much more because of the constraints. Right now that constraint is living
with a host family because it somewhat hinders my ability to grow into
independence. I’m not saying I don’t appreciate my time in Europe, au
contraire. I’d love to stay here longer, but maybe in a different part of
France in different living circumstances. Regardless, it’s time for a change of
pace and my only means of doing that is coming back to America at this point!
I was also thinking about the fact that I’m 20 years old…at
times I really do feel like I’m 20, say when I’m walking down the street and
think holy crap, I live in France and I got here basically on my own.
Then I have moments when I don’t feel 20 at all…like when I
set the table at my host family’s house or when I remember that I don’t even do
my own laundry here. Also when I compare myself to some of my friends who are
already getting internships. Every person matures at their own rate, I know,
and I’m sure that my life is heading in the right path. So it doesn’t really
matter what age I actually feel…it’s just bizarre because up until I hit
college, I always felt like I was more mature for my age than the people around
me. Last year I felt like I was at about the right spot, and this year I feel
like I’m even falling a little bit behind. However some of that does have to do
with the fact that I don’t quite know what career I want to do and that I’ve
spent this semester mostly around juniors, so obviously they’ve had more
experience than me in professional related things…although I guess I did to a
teaching English internship, so woohoo ! I’m not too far
behind actually J
Anyway, I’ve been realizing how much I enjoy doing things
with the internet. From blogging to editing videos to editing photos, I really
enjoy it. I also took a computer programming class in highs school (I know
that’s actually just a tiny thing compared to what computer programming really
is) but I think I might try to explore that career path more.
I was thinking about doing interviews for my little “vlog
edition” but after I put them on my computer the image became all grainy…so I
don’t know if I’ll end up doing that or not. I might try with my regular camera
but as you know, I forgot my cord in America so any footage won’t be put up for
quite some time.
Earlier I went through all of my stuff (yet again) and made
a pile of things to throw away. It seems that no matter how many times I do
that, I can still find things that aren’t 100% useful and therefore I decide to
throw away. I also bought a box to ship home up to 7kg of crap and souvenirs.
That cost me about 60 bucks, but its easier than carrying it all around for 3
weeks and cheaper than checking extra weight onto an airplane. I haven’t
weighed it yet so I don’t know how much I have, but I can’t fit anymore in so
it doesn’t much matter.
I’m exhausted at the moment…as it turns out after 2 days of
sleeping in until noon, getting up at 7:15 for class isn’t too easy. On the
bright side, I got back an exam and I did really well on it. But I’m tired, so
I can’t get myself to study for my big architecture exam coming up…instead of
trying to do that (because I know nothing will get done) I’m going to watch
Moonrise Kingdom and relax for the night. I might also start the job search
though…it’s getting time to start thinking about coming back to reality :(
So if you know anyone looking, give me a heads up :p
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