It's Not Just Me

First, I wanted to add a tidbit to the last entry (as if it wasn't long enough).

I realized that I kind of made a huge cultural generalization, which is at times inevitable, but when I make them I like to acknowledge the fact that not every French person is like that, just a lot of them.

Also I wanted to add that something else that allowed me to make that generalization was hearing my friends' experiences in their host homes. If French people have something to say, whether it can be taken the wrong way or not, they say it. They don't even consider the fact that it could be taken the wrong way and that's fine, it just took a few months for everyone to get used to that bizarreness. For example: just after I finished writing yesterday's entry my host mom came into my room and said, "It's better to go to bed early at night and read in the morning. The night is for sleeping. It's better."

Earlier this semester I would have taken that as a criticism but I've reached the point at which I'm immediately able to acknowledge the fact that she's just letting me know what she thinks because she wants what's best for me, not because she's a know-it-all. But it goes without saying that sometimes if you try to argue your point in a situation like that, you're absolutely going to lose that argument. There won't be any "we'll just have to agree to disagree" but rather a "I think this, you think that. I don't really care what you think."

And the actual meat of this entry:

My second day teaching all by myself! As you know, I was a little stressed and nervous for it. It's kind of hard not to be though! There's the pressure to actually teach something, the pressure to be entertaining, the pressure to manage your time perfectly, and the pressure to do that all at once...on top of the regular nerves that I have about new things.

I don't know why I get so nervous for this though. As soon as I step foot in front of the class and I'm doing my thing I'm perfectly fine. Today was actually a really great day!

I ended up teaching the students about the Easter Bunny and we talked about the Kardashians a little (apparently they love them...) and overall I just let them speak (in English, of course, and in a structured way) most of the time. I learned a lot about French teenagers and I taught them about American culture too. It was just fun! It was the kind of cultural exchange that I'm actually there for.

I don't know why they don't put more emphasis on teaching about America in our class. It's just bizarre to me that I'm only there for 1 hour and instead of just loosely planning a course around a cultural aspect, I'm supposed to rigidly plan something like I'm a real teacher and then if I don't do well, it's like it's the end of the world.

Like I've said before, realistically I'm not there to teach them the specifics of English. I'm there to reinforce what they already know and bring my cultural knowledge!

And as it turns out, the teacher of the class (Madame Ollivier) completely agrees with me. I had a really laid back class and the kids enjoyed it (for the most part...there are always the chatty ones and the ones who are really quiet/moody, I need to learn to deal with that somehow) and I've decided to stop worrying about the grade I'm going to get. I'm auditing the class so they're basically grading me for no reason, anyway.

Mme Ollivier is a really nice person, I'm so fortunate to have been placed with her. I think we're very similar and she definitely enjoys talking to me, she even remembered my host mom's job. And she doesn't care if I switch to speaking English when something is too difficult to try to phrase in French. That's the best part.

And speaking of French: I'm starting to acknowledge the fact that I don't care about perfecting the language or being anywhere near fluent. I can comprehend just about everything that happens around me and if you ask me (and Mme Ollivier) that's a big part of what matters. I can respond with semi-complex phrases and communicate what I need to say on a basic level and I'm perfectly fine with that. I'm still going to assert that I prefer speaking either English or a mix of French and English with people though.



And finally, because I'm tired and can't form all of the thoughts that I want to, I'll simply say this:

I don't know if I'll ever move back to France. I'll surely try to move abroad again, I just think that by the end of my time here I'll have learned enough to call it a successful semester in a country that does not, and may not ever, align with me as a person. Maybe it's just my American baggage, but I tend to think it's probably something deeper.